Day 125: June 24th, 2013

Despite fighting it with every ounce of my being, depression has set in.  I have absolutely no desire to do anything, and I want to eat a bunch of crap every single day, and not anything remotely nutritious.  It’s 100% situational.  My visit with my mother-in-law is coming to an end, and not quite soon enough.   I feel incredibly guilty, because I have really struggled the last few years with feeling depressed about this whole military thing, then it was this whole autism thing, and now it’s this whole military and autism thing.  I keep fighting the good fight.  I do run almost every day, even though I’m eating the crap that my mother-in-law has purchased for her stay, and I try to really limit how much of the junk I eat.  I find myself going to the store more and more, mostly to escape her and my children, but also because we have gone through so much food at home, it’s depressing.  I have literally no desire to go anywhere.  I don’t want to go to the beach, I don’t want to go to the mall, I don’t want to go anywhere remotely fun.  I am really, really looking forward to her being gone.

            She did buy her tickets for our next visit over Christmas, and I plan on being drunk for 99% of that trip.  At least I can get away with not being sober.  She mentioned that my future brother-in-law smokes, and I do not allow smoking anywhere near my house.  She told me, “he’s really good about smoking.”  Well, it’s not happening.  He will have to stand out in the street.  He’s not smoking in the back yard, he’s not smoking near my door, and he’s not smoking in my yard.  It’s my house, and my rules.

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