Day 135: June 14th, 2013

The last several days have been quite difficult.  Minor annoyances are turning into major dramas.  About a week into my visit with my mother-in-law, I am ready to send her back to her house with a boot firmly planted in her ass.  I have learned an important life lesson, not every person who offers to help you actually helps you.  Some times those that offer to help are more of a hinder than help.  That, and I realized that my husband often lives in a revisionist history when it comes to his parents.  When the visit was first mentioned, I was very much against it, especially for the duration we were discussing.  My husband wanted to “make it up to his mom,” for the period of time my parents were coming to stay, because we were doing my parents a huge favor.  The last time my mother-in-law stayed for any length in time, she exaggerated to everyone the amount of help she was.  For the most part she was in the way, she didn’t take well to my correcting her, and just did it her way anyway.  I saved face and just let her do things her way, because the stay was temporary and I could handle the minor annoyances.

            When the deployment was announced, I made it clear under no uncertain terms that I did not need a long visit from my mother-in-law.  I can take her in 2-3 day doses, but not for anything longer than a week.  A week visit turned into a 3-week visit.  The first couple of days, we did OK, there were some minor things that bothered me, but those were minor.  But then it turned major once the week started.  My son goes to school at 8:30 A.M., I asked her if she would stay home with my daughter for school and cross fit.  She said sure.  What I failed to realize that her staying home meant that she was going to sleep while my daughter was awake during the entire time I was gone.  I have a 7-year-old, who was left essentially alone for hours at a time.  We would rouse grandma and she would be awake when I left, as soon as I came back from dropping my son off, and going to my class, she was upstairs sleeping or downstairs on my couch sleeping—again leaving my daughter unsupervised.

            Then yesterday I had had enough.  It was my anniversary.  To celebrate I had Chick Fil A.  My husband had taken money out of my account to cover expenses incurred by a visiting mother-in-law, and basically shorted me over $125.  And things escalated, until I just had to leave.  I went to Old Navy and the grocery store, then I came home sat in my room and bawled until falling asleep just after 2:00 AM.  My son came in at 5:30.  Needless to say I’m exhausted.  I complained to my husband using quite colorful language about what was going on.  Again he lives in a revisionist history with his parents, and he poo-pooed it, until, I had her come and talk to him.  At 1:00 PM, she was still in her pajamas, and she had not showered in three days.  He told her to go shower.  She sat on the computer and did not shower for another 90 minutes after he told her to go shower.  So this goes down as one of the worst anniversaries ever, and probably one of the worst days I have ever experienced on a deployment.  It even tops the time there was a train accident dumping a toxic chemical on my neighborhood.  Or the time a friend decided that I was making up an autism diagnosis.  It’s up there.  If I had my way, I would send her back home.  My advice to friends, if you are going to have your mother-in-law visit during a deployment, make sure you actually get along and like her.

            And just so you know, I have tried to like her.  I have tried very hard with her, but our issue is we are just two very, very, very different people.  You take every trait that I have physically, mentally, and emotionally, she is the polar opposite of me in every way.  There is nothing wrong with that, but I’m the type of personality that I have to be around people who are like me, or else, I just cannot function.  I keep thinking to myself only 11 more days of this.

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