We are nearing the end of the first month. I’m excited and sad that the month is coming to an end. Excited that we are one month closer to him coming home, and sad that I’m wishing my time away. I’m helping a friend of mine move today. She’s divorcing her husband. The divorce hits home on a so many levels. The husband is a Lieutenant Colonel like my husband; she has a child with autism; and another child who is having behavior difficulties. Some of the things she has told me are things that my husband has done in the past is treat me like his lower ranking co-workers. I often tell him that I’m his wife not his Lieutenant.
The one thing that really bothers me about the whole situation is the attitude of the military in this case. The husband is accused of being abusive. The military is taking the side of the husband instead of investigating the accusations. One of the things I have always heard regarding this from others is how can a person be like that when they are a Lieutenant Colonel. It astounds me that people believe that because someone is a Lieutenant Colonel, Colonel, or General they can’t somehow be an asshole. I have met many people who are higher ranking and older, both when I was in the military and when I was a spouse, and rank does preclude someone from being abusive, it doesn’t prevent someone from breaking the law, and it doesn’t mean that they are automatically a good person, because they attained rank. It just means that they fell through the cracks, that there was something wrong with them before they attained that rank, and it’s just now showing through. With power comes greater responsibility, and when you have greater responsibility your fall can be catastrophic. Too quickly I think people who attain authority over the lives of others think of themselves as infallible. They are not. Nobody is perfect.
Unfortunately, this attitude sometimes spreads to the spouses of military members. They think because their husband has attained a rank of whatever that that means they do have the authority to treat people differently. It has caused a lot of dissention amongst other spouses, and as it has done in the past, it has created a void. Many spouses I know would not give me the time of day, all because they assume that because my husband is this, or my husband is that, that I’m a certain way. Unless pressed, I don’t give out what my husband does for a living. I don’t want to be judged negatively all because he chose a different career path than the one someone else did.