Day 162: May 18, 2013

I decided that this weekend was going to be a quiet weekend in the relative safety of our home.  Thursday was a rough one.  I got a stern talking to about taking my kid to school by a friend, because her child is severely immuno-compromised.  I didn’t realize how contagious strep was, particularly since my son didn’t have symptoms of strep, and isn’t even in her class.  He isn’t really near her, and they are pretty good about disinfecting the entire school, due to this child’s immunity issues.  After that dressing down, I decided to really limit my on-line presence.  I don’t need any more drama, self-inflicted or not.  My son really needs school to manage his behavior, and I can’t pull him out of school for weeks at a time to avoid him being exposed or exposing others to germs.  I’m doing the best I can.  And this is my trap, I get sucked into drama, and preservate over the drama until I get wound up, and worried about what every one else thinks of me.  I think this is the trap that too many mothers fall into, and it devolves into feeling judged and persecuted.

            Instead of focusing on it too much, I am going to pull out of on-line stuff.  I felt so much better over Lent, when I gave up the Internet for Lent.  I think giving it up for the deployment will be helpful too.  I’m keeping my account open for a few people—namely my husband and a few friends in the local area, so they know that I’m alive and doing well.  Other than that, I’m done.  I just can’t sustain relationships on-line.  I don’t like them.  It’s too easy to get signals crossed, and emotionally I just can’t handle these relationships.  I hope by doing this, I’ll feel better, and find a different thing to focus on, like refinishing a few tables to give them a new look. 

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