Day 168: May 12, 2013

Well, we have made it through two weeks by the skin of our teeth.  I learned so much about friendship this week.  When I was growing up, I was an easy target for teasing.  I was odd.  I didn’t understand much of spoken communication, so I learned by imitating.  Sometimes, I was successful, like when I joined track, and was one of the faster girls on the track team.  Other times I failed miserably, like when I would sit in the girls’ locker room looking at the pimples I had for boobs, while other girls’ were fully developed.  I was caught staring and labeled (falsely) a lesbian, and I can imagine what gay children went through in high school, because the teasing was relentless.  Because of this teasing, my trust in people faltered.  I felt like when someone helped me, they always expected something in return.  I didn’t like “owing” people something.

            I discovered that in order to survive life that you have to sometimes trust people, owe people, and there will be a day when you can do something nice for them to help them.  Friendship is not all give and it is not all take.  It is OK to be indebted to someone, it also OK to ask for help, and not be able to entirely return the favor.  Just be thankful that there are people who are willing to help you out, and not worry about the expectations. 

            Another very valuable lesson I learned was how much of our ego is tied up into what people think of us as mothers.  Everyone wants to be the perfect mother, the one who’s kids have fond memories of fun times, and when you look back at your childhood, you think to yourself, boy I had it pretty good.  I found that often times, mothers use teenaged tactics to bring themselves up, by putting others down.  It’s become so easy to do since the advent of the Internet.  Back when I was growing up, no one posted on Facebook, Cafemom, or Babycenter; how tough motherhood actually is, and how sometimes it’s OK to think it’s tough.  I think mothers now need to step away from the media circus of social media, and just have the confidence to do what they know to be right.  I know I need to learn that lesson, it has taken nearly 7 years, and I had a rough patch this week.  I regressed back into parenting via bulletin boards and learned that people, who don’t know are the first and quickest to pass judgement.

            It was also a very emotional week as well.  On Monday, we had a neurology appointment and found out that my son was having seizures, and there was nothing we could do about those seizures.  I used to resent the Air Force and the deployments, because whenever a deployment comes, so do the horrible challenges.  On Tuesday, my friend, Nicole watched the kids while I went to a spouse coffee to farewell a friend that has helped me throughout this deployment.  On Wednesday, we planned a luncheon for my son’s school, again more friends who have been wonderful for my son’s development.  On Thursday, my son graduated to being a Bear Scout.  Friday, my daughter and I did field day.  Saturday, we did our weekly slumber party and this time we watched “The Life Of Pi.”  I’m hoping to watch a different movie every week. 

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