Day 171: May 9th, 2013

I’m running out of creative ideas for meals.  I’m not used to cooking for just the kids and myself.  I’m used to cooking plenty and having leftovers last through a couple of different lunches.  I’m also discovering how truly picky my children are.  Today one wanted a salad, the other wanted a hotdog, and I didn’t feel like having either, so I made one meal for one kid, another meal for the other kid, and I had a Lean Cuisine frozen meal for myself.  I made tacos one day, I froze half the taco meat, and will re-heat sometime next week.  But the combination of meats and sauces are getting old.  I need something creative.  I wish I could make a roast; I would sure like to have a slab of Prime Rib.  In fact, my son’s school is having free babysitting coming up in a few weeks, I think I might go down to McQuire’s and get Prime Rib.  I don’t care if I’m sitting there by myself.  I’ll take a good portion of it home, and it can last a few meals. 

            I have a few favorite restaurants here, and I would like to just sit at them alone and eat by myself.  Besides running out of creative meals to make, I’m running out of a desire to be social.  I know that I need to get out and see my friends, but it’s so hard to not be depressed and negative about the whole deployment.  I don’t want to bring them down.  I know how a negative person can set the tone for a friendship and even ruin a friendship.  I don’t want to be a friend that ruins friendships, because of my negative attitude.  I also don’t want to be the needy one, who constantly needs support and help.

            I think that’s the worst thing about being a parent of a child with differing needs.  I need a lot more support and help, and I don’t want to ask for it, because I don’t want to be constantly calling everyone, crying wolf, and not being able to return the favor.  I know that most of my friends have offered help and assistance, but I am really reluctant to take it, because I don’t want to owe people favors.  I know that I should not feel that way; that if it were someone else, I would be more than willing to take their child for a few hours, so they can go out.  I just revert back to some of my old friendships that have waned and the number one reason they waned is because the friends had strings attached to their favors and their friendships. 

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