Day 103: July 15th, 2013

It is now time to step back.  I have done everything I could possibly do to stop the Tricare things from happening, and now it’s time to allow a higher power take over.  It is in the hands of the politicians, the decision makers, and the chain of command.  I only hope that they can see how detrimental this is.  The thought of leaving the military in another 4 years makes me somewhat sad.  This was the life I knew for 16 years, the life my husband loved for his time in service, but sadly, I really think it is a retention issue for the military.  I just get the impression that they don’t want us anymore.  No one asks for autism, it’s one of those things that is gift wrapped and set on your lap.  It’s not like any parent knew that they were going to have a child with autism when they joined the service.  Who would chose that?  It’s like choosing to be a single parent with a child with autism.  No one in their right mind would decide that.  But it happens.   Both autism and the military cause divorces, split families up, and change you– either for the better or the worse.  I don’t think anyone would chose to have something rock your world like this does.  Even being autistic (for lack of a better term), I don’t chose it.  There are aspects of myself that I loathe.  I sometimes hate the way I am, and the way I relate to people.  I have to fight very hard “to be normal”, even though I don’t want to be normal, I know it’s what is best sometimes.  I also don’t want to miscommunicate, I don’t want to see things in the absolute black and white, I don’t want to have the rigid rules of no chicken for two meals in a row, two days in a row, but it is what it is.  I just feel like not only are we being blamed for how we are, and how our children are, but we are being thrown away by the United States like bad trash. 

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