Lent Day 1: Ash Wednesday…


I didn’t actually get out today to take photographs.  It’s Ash Wednesday and per the tradition I am fasting.  According to our Pastor, you can have a light meal in the morning, a small meal at lunch, and then a normal meatless dinner.  I have done a 24-hour cleanse starting last night, and tonight I had intended on going to a dinner with my husband, but life had different plans.  I feel rather mopey regarding the whole ordeal.  Basically, my husband has work functions that go well into the night all night, and because I can’t find a babysitter, I’m stuck at home with the kids.  I’m little angry about the situation.  Not that my husband has work functions, or the work functions are kid-free.  I’m more angry that I can’t be like other parents.  If I had a typical child I would not hesitate in going to the function tonight, and let the kids stay home by themselves for a few hours.  I would feel comfortable calling back to the house to make sure everything was going alright, and maybe my kids would be over at other kids’ houses playing with friends. But my situation is hardly normal.

I know that many autism self-advocates will yell and scream about me “hating” my children, but this is a little known fact of my life.  I don’t get date nights.  I don’t get to go out and get my nails done when my kids are at home.  The reality is that I have a child who is 11-years-old, and functions at around a 3-year-old. It is difficult finding people to watch the kids for the sheer number of things that are planned.  Life would be so much easier without autism, but it would be so much less enjoyable.

Anyway, I am amazed at the amount of time I have when I am not checking my Facebook status.  I got home from church and dropping the kids off at school, and then thought to myself, “now what?!”  I watched part of “Silver Lining Play Book,” while finishing up my 15,000 steps, I wrote in my blog, and I started a new home improvement project.  Namely, I am finishing our kitchen remodel.

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