When you have cancer there is not much in your control anymore. It is especially frustrating when the treatments make you sicker than the disease. I had no symptoms before my diagnosis (in retrospect I had a few symptoms, but they were not anything that I couldn’t be explained by other conditions). I have completely recovered from the surgery 6 weeks ago– with the annoying exception of the effects of my bladder/kidney stent. I was by the doctor that under no uncertain terms that I would be losing my hair– the degree of hair loss is not certain. I could maybe keep some of my hair, and have it thin, or I could be completely bald.
On the 12th, my first strands of hair came out. There were a few strands on the pillow, and a few strands while I was washing my head. I decided that my hair was something that I would control. I wanted to take one thing in my life/health back. My hair was the one thing I could control. One Saturday night we had a little party in my bathroom. My daughter did the honors. I think she had a little bit too much fun shaving my head. I think it was her little bit of revenge. What daughter wouldn’t want to get back at their mother by shaving her head.
I thought I would cry through it, but I laughed. I honestly had fun during the hair cut. I felt free. It was the first time in the last two months where I felt free and strong. I posted the picture on my Facebook, and instead of getting comments confirming that I looked sick– like a cancer patient. I heard compliments like– “you look beautiful,” “you look fierce,” and “you look strong.” I expected pitying looks when I went shopping, and there was none of that. I feel so empowered, so strong, and I feel brave. I am one step closer to getting my health back.