The Big Bad Wolf Has Returned

Or it never left, either way, I am back in treatment :(.

On Friday, I went to the doctor to find out the bad news.  Fortunately, it is not 100% bad, and not dire, as I have very few symptoms.  I will be going to Houston in the next couple weeks to see if I qualify for a clinical trial.  I started a GoFundMe, and my former classmates at Park Center have funded the first trip to Houston.  A charitable organization has offered more funding.

I have been asked a lot what were the symptoms, what should you do if you suspect you have ovarian cancer.  My doctor has called the disease a sneaky bastard and that’s what it is.  I’m going to go into some gory details, so if you are squeamish, or a man, you may want to turn around and run lol…


  • A change in my period, PMS, and ovulation.  My period was irregular since I was a teen.  Instead of getting more irregular, my period actually regulated.  At ovulation time it was painful (which I joked for almost a year with my husband that I was finally ovulating, I had lots of trouble getting pregnant). PMS was a BEAR.  I was exhausted, nauseous, and had heavy cramping.  My period was also very heavy and I had increased cramping during it.
  • Lower back ache.  Closer to my diagnosis, I developed an intermittent lower back ache. I had been injured the year before– S-1 Joint hurt, so I thought it was my injury.  The cancer had cut off the uterer between my bladder and right kidney, and I was in stage one renal failure.
  • Malaise.  I was BONE tired.  I had the energy to run, but as soon as I got home from my runs, I was DONE.

Anything can cause these symptoms.  If you are concerned that you have these symptoms and bloating, constipation, difficulty breathing, painful sex, weight gain, and stomach upset, please see your gynecologist.  If you would like specific tests, request a CA-125 (which is a cancer antigen).  Many things can cause it to elevate, so be aware that it may not be accurate measure for disease.


The Word Of The Day– Anxiety


I took this blue-tailed skink at the park on Sunday.  It’s been a LONG four weeks.  It started after my first post-cancer appointment.  The doctor said, “You look great, welcome to remission.”  Then a few hours later, I got a phone call, “Hold up, your CA-125 (cancer antigen) is abnormal, and you have to schedule a PET Scan.”

Then, anxiety hit, and hit HARD!  First, it was scheduling the exam, which was cancelled THREE times, because the machine was broke.  Finally, I got the exam scheduled, and I had anxiety about the scan itself.  It’s a three hour test, and you have to sit in a room by yourself for an hour after getting an IV.

Now, it’s waiting for the results. I didn’t realize that if the scan is clear they don’t call you and tell you its clear, instead they call you, and make an appointment.  Every thought goes through your mind.  I hear the doctor saying, “Your cancer never went away, your cancer is back, kiss your kids good-bye, your going back on chemo, or congratulations– you’re all done.”  The nurses, techs, and doctor gives you no hint at what’s coming on results day.  From what I know is if it’s bad– he tells you to come in immediately, or the radiologist calls the doctor quickly.

So now, here I sit, with scan anxiety.  What are the symptoms?  Every symptom of cancer– real and imagined.  I have not slept, I have barely been able to eat, I am irritable towards my kids, I rage, I swear, and I cry.  It takes every ounce of energy to go about my daily life.  I have been officially diagnosed with PTSD.  I feel utterly INSANE.  It is not a condition just for Army Troops returning from war.  Last night at 3:00 AM, I swore I smelled and tasted saline, which is a sensation you get when you have an IV inserted.

What can you do?  If you are the praying type– please pray, if you are an atheist, just send me positive thoughts…  I need them right now.

An Open Letter…


Dear Misfit Runners–

I am utterly and completely disappointed in your group of people.  In January, I was a victim of cyber bullying from this group.  The reason, SF and SR decided that I was faking cancer– I don’t know why they decided that I had faked this condition, or how they came to this conclusion.  They berated me very publicly to friends I had for years.  I was ostracized, and treated horribly.  I left the group without defending myself.

I learned that there were other victims of this group– male and female.  Another runner who on journey to lose 400 pounds was told he was an attention monger.  Another runner was told that she faked her finish line pictures in the New York City Marathon (and was also accused of faking her ailments as well).  Just yesterday, they attacked a mother, and her teenaged daughter.

The perpetrators of this behavior are not teenagers, they are not even children, they are 20-30-40-year old grown ass women.  And it’s despicable.  It is so wrong to troll other adults, but extending that trolling to minor children is pathetic.  I hope the people who are doing this read this, and know that you are utterly, and completely pathetic.  I felt sorry for you when you attacked me, because I thought there was seriously wrong with your self-esteem to go after adults, but a child– there is absolutely, positively NO excuse.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.  You are disgusting human beings.



P.S. Just so you know– I kicked cancers butt.  I’m now done with chemo.  The picture above was taken today.  The only evidence of cancer is my really short hair cut.