Happy 2017

Looking back on 2016, It was ROUGH.  My rough patch started on January 29th, with an unexpected journey to the ER, and ended with my continuing the fight of my life.  It would be easy for me to make a list of New Years Resolutions.  Something that may include– lose weight, eat better, drink less, be more patient with my kids, and all the usual trappings that I promise myself that I would like to accomplish in the upcoming year.  This next year is a little different, besides my “What The Hell, I Might As Well” list, here are my New Years Goals:

1. I want to live.  Yeah, my number 1 to 1000 goal is to be still alive in 2018.  This may be obvious to many readers, but I have learned that it is not a guarantee.

2.  I want to get my health back.  I would love to continue to hear my oncologist state that besides cancer, I am the healthiest individual he treats with cancer.

3. Finish that G-D Novel.  I need to finish it.  I’m so tired of telling my family that I am writing it, but it’s not done yet.  Well, I want it finished.  I have about 20,000 more words to add.  I’m also tired of trying to decide whether to send it to a publisher, or publish it myself.

4.  Continue working on my fan fiction.  See number 3, but more geeky.

5.  Do more of what I enjoy.  I got a gift card from my husband for Christmas, so I decided to spent it on what I enjoy.  I enjoy reading, so I bought some Carrie Fisher Books.  I enjoy painting, so I bought a few Paint By Number  kits.  I enjoy fitness, so I bought some low-impact cancer DVDs.  I enjoy writing, so I am going to start writing more on this blog, and finish number 3 and 4.  I enjoy photography, so I joined the 52-week picture challenge.  I enjoy packing all my shit up, and moving across the country (oh wait, I don’t enjoy doing that, but that is happening).

So that’s about it…  Five goals this year, instead of my normal 10, and they are pretty straight forward.  Happy New Year!  Hopefully, this year we won’t be staring up into the heavens, and saying WTF God!

What The Hell, I Might As Well

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I am making a list.  Kind of like Santa Claus, but kind of not like Santa Claus.  It’s called my  “What The Hell, I Might As Well…” list.  It’s not really a bucket list, as I have accomplished most of my bucket list items– I ran New York City Marathon, went scuba diving in Guam, climb Pike’s Peak, saw a few celebrities (including a celebrity crush– Hugh Jackman in New York), I saw a Broadway Play, watched the sun rise, swam with dolphins, been in the Empire State Building…  This list is arbitrary weird things I always wanted to do:

  1. Write a Star Wars Novel.  I know that it will never get published.  I’m going to publish it on a fan fiction site.
  2. Publish a chick lit novel.  I wrote it, but I got to pitch it to a publisher.  I don’t know quite how to do that.
  3. I would like to go to another foreign country.  I don’t which one yet, I was thinking Africa, but my oncologist said I can’t go to Africa.  I asked at an appointment if I could travel while on treatment.  He said, “I don’t see why not, it’s not like you’re going to Africa.”  DAMN…. SHOT DOWN.
  4. Drive a sports car as my primary mode of transportation.  I want a Mustang.
  5. Get paid to do something I love– like having someone buy a picture I took, maybe sell my novel.
  6. Own another puppy.  I want a red Siberian Husky with blue eyes.  Love my pups, but I want that darned red Sibe.
  7. Live in a big city again.  Tired of these quiet little rural cities.  This one is about to be checked off.
  8. Build a house from scratch.  I want to design my next house.  I want funky colors in my bedroom, I want a bathroom with a huge glass window made by Angela (Big Orange House).  I want my photographs framed and put up all over the house.
  9. I want go get soaking wet in a thunderstorm.
  10. I want to see Niagara Falls, or Carlsbad Caverns again.
  11. I want to go to the Academy Awards, or Emmy’s, or Golden Globes– something to dress up for, and meet people– I know it’s the strangest ass thing, but I want to go to it.  I love movies.  I have been in two, it might be cool to be in another, or a television show…

That’s about it.  What’s on your What The Hell, Might As Well list?

A Poem Within

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A Poem Within:

I am intelligent.
I am amazing.
Although, there are days when I barely manage.
And sometimes I feel downright stupid.
I know that on those days I just need to try.
Perception is not my reality!
I am an original.
I will never give up, never!
I am gorgeous.

I am invincible.
I am wonderful.
I know that sometimes the odds are incredible
Inward I lean;
I will learn.
I will live,
And the things that leave me insecure,
Will be vanquished and I will have victory
And I will endure!

I am imaginative
I am amazing
I have the will and the drive to move mountains,
To be an example of strength.
There are times I feel terror,
Those days I remember
Bad things will occur
I keep hope near
And then I keep going and going.

Because I am strong…

This poem was inspired in the car driving to chemo today.  It is a poem within.  It may be easy for most, hard for most, or you won’t get it.  That’s the beauty of poetry.  Sometimes the obvious answer is the one staring you in the face.  If you figured out the conundrum message me, but don’t give it away to others, because that would ruin the fun.  Share if you would like, but don’t copy, because that would be rude, and ruin my copyright…

Two Treatments Down, Sixteen More To Go

Well, I am still alive and kicking.  The last two months have been a whirlwind.  The beginning of the New Year, I was preparing to train for Grandma’s marathon.  Starting to get ready for the half marathon I had in the middle of February, and was just going to multiple appointments getting my daughter diagnosed with ADD.  Fast forward to the first week of February, I now have cancer.  I had a 7-hour major surgery were cancer was removed from just about every organ in my abdomen, and I was starting chemotherapy.  Never in a million years, did I imagine that I would have been diagnosed with cancer, and never during the recovery of the surgery did I realize how quickly I would recover and how quickly chemotherapy would knock me out.

Now, I am two weeks into an 18-week treatment protocol.  The first week of chemo, the doctor delivered the surprisingly good news that I had survived the worst of it, and that I was probably going to be OK.  I didn’t feel OK.  I was achy, tired, and bordering between nauseous and starving.  Two weeks later, more side effects are starting to come out.  Last night I noticed that I have NO taste.  I cannot taste anything unless it is strong.  My tongue is completely numb.  Yesterday, a clump of hair fell out while I was in the shower.  I realize that this journey is going to be a fun one…  However, each day I wake up, and feel strong enough to write, go for a walk, or watch endless episodes of my favorite shows is a good day.  I hope to be back blogging soon, or working on my novel, or doing something other than thinking about cancer.  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers!

Writer’s Block

Life

It has been at least two weeks since I last worked on the novel.  I touched it a few days ago, but lost interest– gotta love neurological conditions that do not allow you to concentrate on more than one thing at a time.  I did several mosaics the last few weeks, cleaned the house, concentrated on training, and did everything physically possible to do the one thing that puts me at complete ease.

The last few weeks and months have been crazy.  It started the last week of October when I had to do something incredibly difficult with my daughter.  To protect her privacy, I am not going to write about what happened, only the end result is another child diagnosed with another condition, and facing the decision again what medications are going to be best for what is happening.

On top of that, dealing with the lingering sadness of the loss of my dad, Ryan’s teacher, another child with autism, and just the suck of having to put on a happy face this holiday season.  But there is so much more to look forward to rather than looking back.  Good things have happened too:

My brother did a good thing, and sold a parcel of his business to a church that was expanding.  He is some of the money to my mom.

My son is now doing academics.  Though he is 12, he is now in Kindergarten.  This is a huge step forward from the full-on regression.

My daughter gets to finish up school in the same school she started Kindergarten in.  This is unheard of for military families, but a kind doctor, a great commander, and finally, a stroke of somewhat bad luck, we are staying in Florida another year.

Despite writers block, I am making some headway with the novel.  I am also applying for an MBA program to go back work.  I would like to return to professional work, and I know now that I will not be able to unless I have updated professional skills.  It’s just a matter of deciding what school and what program.

Besides going back to work and school, my running is on an uptick.  I’m averaging around 40-50 miles per week.  I’m as skinny as I when I was in the Air Force.  I’m in a size 2, which I am absolutely thrilled about.  I have four races on the calendar, and I’m no longer injured.  I do have some residual soreness, but it’s not the pain I was experiencing last year.

Another Star Wars movie is coming out in three weeks, and I snagged tickets to it.  Writing can wait.

Day Three: Dear Houseplant

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I awoke this morning to find you slightly welted and brown around the edges.  I followed the advice on your card carefully.  I watered you every day, per the instructions.  I gave you the food that came with you when someone had so kindly gifted to you to me.  But yet, like all the other plants, you are dying, and don’t understand it.  Please don’t die on me.  It just cements my feelings as a complete and utter failure.

I can move you if you would like.  I have another room with slightly more light.  In the dining room.  There is a table in front of the window where you can sit and soak up the warm Florida light.  I promise I will continue to water you, and feed you as you need.  You can watch the fish in the fish tank swim back and forth.  It’s a completely different decorative theme in the dining room, instead of African and tropical fusion, the dining room is classic French dining.  You would enjoy it in there.  I love sitting in my dining room.  The only problem, my daughter, the dogs, and my son runs through the room like it’s a pathway to heaven.

I can also move you to my bedroom, though it’s quite dark and cool in there.  According to the card, you enjoy light and heat.  I am a vampire at night.  I like the cool, dark, and humid nights.  There is no decorative theme, only smelly gym clothes.  You would make it smell so much nicer in there.  I am rarely in the bedroom, so you would not have much company there.

If I moved you upstairs, it would be warm, and there is plenty of sunlight in the toy room, rather than the man cave.  There isn’t much in the way of tables, and you have to stand on your tippy toes to look out the window.  Even then there is not much of a view.  Additionally, we live downstairs most of the time, and we would forget about you, and you would die of loneliness and dehydration.  I heard dehydration is not the way to die, it’s painful and slow.  Please don’t die yet.

I could put you in the kitchen.  This is where everyone meets.  We eat as a family in there.  We laugh, we play games, and I cook.  The kitchen is full of life and love.  There isn’t much sunlight there, but there is warmth.  There is a nice counter top you can sit on.  You would be beautiful as a centerpiece on my dining room table, or you would look nice on my baker’s rack, next to the window.  Some days, if you so desire, you can look outside, and watch the kids swimming.  The kitchen is where I do most of my writing, and find most of my inspiration.  You would love it in the kitchen.  If I could convince you to hold on for a few more hours, I will move you into the kitchen.  Please don’t die.

Dear houseplant, please don’t die.  I know I was born with a black thumb, and if you live for a few more days, hours, or weeks, I can turn things around…

Day Four Challenge:  Write your Facebook Statuses for 2017 (oh boy that should be fun– I’ll just do one a month)…

Day One: What can happen in a second?

My writing prompt for today from the book 642 things to write:

What can happen in a second?

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I normally don’t do a lot of research for blog posts, most of the time they are opinion pieces, and it’s nice to get away from my normal topics of being a military spouse, running, fitness, eating, autism, or photography.  I learned a little bit about what can happen in a small fraction of time.

Anything, and everything can happen in a second…

A butterfly can flap its wings.
A drop of rain can soak into hot, dry concrete.
Molecules bump into each other, creating warmth.
A star is born, a star has died.
A person can take a breath, blink their eye.
The heart valve can open and close sending blood through your veins.
A hummingbird can flap their wings 80 times in a second.
Neurons can snap in an instant.
Lightening can strike, thunder can loll.
You can type a letter, perhaps if you are quick enough a word.
A tear can form in your eye, and start it’s journey down your cheek.
A beam of light can travel 186,000 miles, and a noise at ground level can travel 1,072 feet.
The fastest space ship in the world can travel 18.76 km in one second.
The world’s fastest computer computes 33,860,000,000,000,000 calculations.
A photon can travel 278,000 km in a vacuum.
2,393,470 e-mails are sent.
There are 48,745 Google searches completed.
A snap judgment on 10 unfamiliar faces can be made.
1,120 tons of CO2 emissions are released globally from industrialization and use of fossil fuels.
$3.4 million value of all goods and services in the world are produced in one second.
The International Space Station flies 7,700 meters in space in one second.
11 trees are cut down in the Amazon rain forest.
Warren Buffet earns $407, and the poorest people in the world earn .001442 cents.
On average 4.3 people are born, and sadly 1.8 people die in one second.A
Earth travels 29.8 km as it travels around sun.
1.3 cars are built throughout the world.
A honey bee flaps its wings between 200 times.
A bullet penetrates its target.
A ball thrown by a pitcher leaves his gloves and is hit by a bat.
A snail moves 1 cm to avoid a raindrop.

There are so many amazing things that can happen in a mere second.  A second is such a short period of time, and there are so many seconds throughout the day, it really is overwhelming how amazing our world is that a bee can flap its wings 200 times in a second.  The advancements of science have allowed instant communication, and contributed to the miracle of space travel.  Sadly 11 trees and 2 people die every second, a little over 4 people are born.  A second is so minute, yet so significant.  It just goes to show you that our world is pretty damn amazing, and you learn something new every single day.  Personally, I like being a sponge rather than glass.

Tomorrow’s topic:  The Worst Thanksgiving Dish I Ever Had…  Recipe and story included.  Have a great day :).

Sources:

http://www.newscientist.com

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